I have awakened in this world, I have responded by following a weird trust.
I've had this thought for a long time, but recently I noticed it--I don't consider myself "good at art". I do love making art, and being an artist, and talking about art, and thinking about art, and wondering why I want to make art. I love visual art and creativity to the extent that I consider it my lifestyle. But, I don't feel good at it. Also, I don't feel bad at it. And, I don't care how I measure up.
Because it's like... measure up to what??
I think this is noteworthy only because I dedicate so much of my mental space to the art making process. I have relationships with various rectangles, and then I post images of these rectangles on this website or Instagram and ask people to look at them. Why would I do this if I didn't feel excellent at it? I have heard mixed opinions about my work and none of it seems to affect the fact that I "must" (I laugh at myself, because of the weird trust) keep painting and experimenting with mark-making.
I laugh at myself as I imagine my dog does when she sees me stare at a rectangle for hours at a time. Zoom out from the circumstance of painting and it is clear how arbitrary and specific mark-making is. Zoom in and it's EVERYTHING ON EARTH!
Conversely, I was formally trained at the piano throughout my childhood. I received support, praise, and awards for my skill. I did not follow a weird trust. Rather, I followed the rules. I moved through workbooks, level by level and I enjoyed it! I still enjoy it--but I am not compelled toward it and I don't consider it my lifestyle.